Jun 18, 2018

Are Single Black Women Failing to Raise Suitable Black Men?

Many single black women in metro Atlanta lament over the belief that there are very few "suitable" black men available to date and marry. The statement that usually follows is that the majority of single black men are either gay or in jail. I typically hate hearing these kinds of blanket statements. But in reviewing the general state of romance in the black community, I can see where some of these arguments have the ring of validity. But I started wondering why, if there are so few "good" men available, are there so many single black women raising children. But more specifically, why are the new generations of black men continuing to fit this description? In essence, it would seem that the very women complaining about the unavailability of suitable partners are raising men who become unsuitable partners. Throughout my lifetime of dating, listening to heart-wrenching stories, and following the media, I have come up with at least one theory regarding the unfortunate cycle that seems to afflict single black women and the young men they raise.

The Romance

We've all seen the scenario: a young lady has a casual relationship with a man and conceives a child. Or perhaps she's more deeply involved with the man on a more "serious" basis (at least in her mind)-and decides to keep her child. In many cases, the young women are eager to become mothers. And in other instances, the young women subconsciously believe that by having the child they will be able to remain close to the father, and perhaps reinforce (or re-establish) their romantic relationship. This very seldom works, and often breeds negativity in the boy's life. He may even be told by his mother how ineffective his father is as a parent. In any case, when the romance ends, black women are often left with all the parenting duties. And they are often ill-prepared.

Here Is Where Things Get Sticky

A good number of single black women have been raised without fathers in their homes. In some cases, the young ladies have never even met their fathers. And while it may sound strange, a lot of single black women dote on their little boys because they believe that this is the one male that won't leave them. It shouldn't be assumed that any kind of oedipal issues exist. But in giving them love, they sometimes fail to parent with a firm hand. Instead, they spoil them, dress them in trendy clothes, and ultimately give them more freedom than they should have as toddlers and adolescents. And that's where the trouble begins...

Life Lessons

Unfortunately, as much as these young mothers love their sons, there are a few life lessons that are often missed. Since many young black women have been raised without fathers, they have never had the opportunity to observe first-hand the dynamics involved in a healthy romantic relationship. For example, if a young black woman has never seen men open doors for her mother, it is highly unlikely that she will expect this kind of chivalrous treatment from her romantic partners. Thus, as she raises her child, this life lesson is ultimately lost on her own son. Instead, the boys are raised to believe that the world should treat them as their mothers have-by allowing them to do as they please.

And It Gets Worse...

Have you ever noticed that when a young black man is arrested for a heinous crime, the suspect's mother appears on the news advising the world of her child's innocent and giving nature? She is almost always baffled that her son has been involved in any illegal activity whatsoever. Have you also noticed that very rarely does the child's father make an appearance on screen to discuss the welfare of his son? Watch any of the crime shows on TruTV, and you'll see hundreds of young disenfranchised black men who have been caught up in the wrong kinds of activities-ones that usually land them behind bars. It could be said that the discipline not received at home is later doled out in the form of prison time.


Stopping the Cycle

It must be acknowledged that not all single black mothers go on to raise thugs, hoodlums, and criminals. There are plenty of happy and successful black men (with families) who credit their success to how their single mothers raised them. But the numbers don't lie; and neither do the scenarios that we see played out in the media everyday.

There are literally hundreds of factors involved in the failure of many black romantic relationships. It may seem like too much of a generalization to make; but the number of young, troubled black men in America is astounding. Can a single black woman raise a productive and successful black man? Of course they can. Many do everyday. But lessons like saying "please and thank you", opening doors for ladies, doing chores, and being responsible for mistakes at a young age-can go a long way in preparing young black men for marriage and fatherhood.

Written by Adam Smith academic expert from Write my custom thesis

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