Jul 7, 2010

What Not To Say (7)

What not to say after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss.

Unfortunately, miscarriage rates are still high. This means that you will meet a woman who has experienced a miscarriage. In trying to be helpful and caring, you often find yourself saying things that you think would make the woman feel better, but in fact, makes her feels worse.

So, don’t say :

1."You can always have another."
: They don't want another baby, they want this baby.

2.”Now you have an angel looking after you."
: They don't want an angel, they want their baby back.

3."It's for the best."
: Best for whom?

4."At least you didn't know your baby."
:Whether you held your baby in your arms or only in your mind, this baby is real.

5."There must have been something wrong..."
: It makes her think: What's wrong with me?

6."Did you do something you weren't supposed to do?"
Why: Your questions will make her think : Did I cause this? How could I have hurt my baby?

7."I understand how you feel."
:Even if you have had a miscarriage, every one feels their grief uniquely.

8."Have you ever thought of not having children?"
It makes her think:Yes, I probably have. I realize that I may never be a mother.

9."Be grateful for the children you have..."
It isn't a question of being ungrateful or not appreciating what I have.

Instead Say / Things to say:"I'm sorry."
"What can I do to help?"
"I'm here for you."

You should take your time and be kind with a woman that experiences a miscarriage. Don't expect her to forget it. Be there and offer a warm comforting hug.


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