May 3, 2012

Why He’s Not the One

Relationships can be tough. You may have always dreamed of a big diamond engagement ring, a bouquet of flowers and a sweet family home, but it is important that when you end up with someone it is not just because you decide they’re your best bet, but because it’s meant to be. ‘Knowing’ is the tricky part. At the start of all relationships – the honeymoon period – we often fall into the habit of thinking, ‘This is it, this is the one!’ As we go on, we often come to the harsh realisation that, in fact, we may not have been right. But how can we know? If you’ve been serious for a while and are now getting little niggles of doubt, how can you find the answer?

Below are a few indications to help you decide:

1.       The ‘X’ Factor
It sounds crazy, but beyond physical attraction and the way you easily get on, there has to be something else. Just because he arranges flowers delivered to your work as a surprise, or because you laugh at his jokes and snuggle up on the couch together, it doesn’t mean he’s ‘it’ – it could just mean you’re comfortable. Beyond all of that there is a little something that is indescribable, that takes a relationship from a friendship, or a friendship with benefits, to something on a totally different level.

2.       Can You Talk?
Some of us end up with the rebound guy and it turns into a long-term relationship. If it started out purely as a physical relationship, it is important to ask yourself if the relationship has other factors. In other words, can you talk? This means not just understanding each other, but finding things to talk about for the rest of your life.

3.       Is There a Friendship?
Once the physical side fizzles, it is vital you have a strong and stable friendship in place underneath – this is what helps make it a lasting relationship. A friend is someone you deeply care about, can trust, talk to and rely on – and these feelings are reciprocated.

4.       What’s Important?
While the two of you may not always agree on what’s important, a good test of your support and love for each other is when you or your partner can see something as important that you never have before – just because it’s important to the other person.

5.       The Future
We all have dreams. Some of us want to travel, others want to have a family, while others still want to become the top of their field and excel in their career. In a relationship, it is important you either have similar plans or dreams, or you are both prepared to compromise a little so each of you can achieve some part of their dream. If this isn’t the case, you may come to resent the other person for holding you back from achieving what you dreamed of.

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